S.A.T. for Adults

by Ethan Kuperberg

 

 

1.           Julie has published two novels and is engaged; Lisa works two jobs, and her landlord won’t let her buy a cat. Lisa feels  ___________________ of her former roommate.

(a)        proud

(b)        begrudging

(c)         covetous

(d)        resentful

(e)         blind rage at the thought of at­tending the wedding

2.           Susan couldn’t afford to pay for her dad’s expensive nursing home, but Jerry didn’t want his father-in-law to move into the room that he’d been using as a home office:  _____________ was ____________ .

(a)         compromise / impossible

(b)         hostility / inevitable

(c)         Jerry/ selfish

(d)        Susan / completely unrealistic

(e)         All of the above.

 

3.           If one side of a love triangle has a relationship length of sixteen months, and one side of a love triangle has an affair length of three months, which of the following is true?

(a)        The triangle is not equilateral.

(b)        The relationship angle is obtuse, and has been obtuse for three months.

(c)         The affair angle is not a right angle.

(d)        The affair side is sin squared.

(e)         You wanna know what’s true? The base of the triangle is a liar.

4.     Craig has three panic attacks on Mondays, one panic attack on Tues­days, and two panic attacks on Wednes­days and Thursdays. If Craig has an av­erage of twelve panic attacks on weeks when his mother is visiting, and he just had three panic attacks on a Friday, did his mother visit this week?

(a)        Yes.

(b)    No.

(c)         She spoke with Craig on the phone.

(d)        She left a long voice mail in which she brought up Rebecca.

(e)         Craig’s mother didn’t visit, but Craig ran into Rebecca on the street, and she was with Brad, and she was wearing those earrings that Craig bought her when they were in Maine.

5.            Identify the error:

When Erin s boss asked her how the U2 concert was (a), he touched her back and lightly grazed her bra strap (b), but Erin assumed he was just being friendly, (c), so she didn’t tell anyone about it (d). No error (e).

 6.            Andrew graduated from college twelve years ago, and Andrew’s rent is nine hundred and fifty dollars a month. Andrew s barista job pays eight dollars an hour, and he works there twenty hours a week. Andrew’s assistant job pays fifteen dollars an hour, and he works there ten hours a week. Andrew is on page seventeen of his fifth screenplay. Andrew’s therapy costs two hun­dred and fifty dollars an hour, and recently Andrew’s therapist suggested meeting two times a week.

(a)         Andrew should increase his assistant-job hours and decrease his barista- job hours.

(b)         Therapy is a luxury that Andrew cannot afford.

(c)          This prompt did not contain a question.

(d)         The universe is telling Andrew that he wasn’t meant to be a screen­writer, and Andrew is still not listening.

(e)          Andrew will be thirty-five in January. Thirty-five.

7.             Larry was extroverted and kind be­fore he started dating his new girlfriend, but now he is withdrawn and elitist. Larry’s friends should __________  or ___________  else

(a)         bite their tongues / they will offend Larry

(b)         befriend Larry’s girlfriend / they will never see him again

(c)          tell Larry that she’s bad news / he might actually marry her

(d)         remember the guy Larry used to be / they'll forget that that guy ever existed

(e)          There is no correct answer here.

8.            What she would have done with her life had it not been for the accident, Nancy often thinks about.

(a)     Nancy often thinks about what she would have done with her life had it not been for the accident.

(b)         Nancy thinks about what she would have done with her life had it not been for the accident, often.

(c)          Often Nancy thinks about the accident, and what she would have done with her life had it not been for the accident, the accident, the accident, the accident, all Nancy thinks about is the accident, the accident, the accident.

(d)         Nancy’s life is the accident.

(e)          Correct as is.

9.            Susan checks her e-mail seven times every hour. Susan receives one e-mail from her daughter every sixteen days. Susan’s daughter asks her for money in two out of every three e-mails she sends. Susan just checked her e-mail; what is the probability that she received an e-mail from her daughter not asking for money?

(a)         2/3

(b)         1/270

(c)          1/8,064

(d)         It doesn’t bother Susan that Nicole asks for money; it’s just nice to hear from her.

(e)          Susan’s too busy to even think about Nicole now that her father has moved into Jerry’s home office.

10.        While Dan was stuck in traffic after a long day at work, his wife called to tell him that she lost her job.

(a)         Dan received a call from his wife to tell him that she lost her job.

(b)         Dan’s wife lost her job, so she called Dan.

(c)          Dan couldn’t figure out how to use his Bluetooth, so he missed his wife’s call.

(d)         Dan questioned whether any of this is worth it. Any of it.

(e)          Dan drove his car into a tree. Was it an accident? Hard to tell from the traffic report.

11.        Between her fulfilling job, her two healthy children, and her loving husband, Beth has everything that she thought she wanted in life, yet she can­not shake off an unmistakable sense of

(a)         ennui

(b)         guilt

(c)          mortality

(d)         insignificance

(e)          All of the above, and none of the above.

New Yorker magazine, Sept 23, 2013